Since
I spend more time in the coffee house than I do at home, I'm starting a Coffee
House Chronicle page to document a smidgen of what goes on while I'm eavesdropping
... I mean, WRITING!
Man
#1: So me and my girl were going out of town so I invited Rhonda to my crib.
Man
#2: Rhonda?
Man
#1: Yeah, you know, so she could watch the animals and take care of shit. I
told her, I said, “Look, you can use it, but just don’t get too wasted.”
Man
#3: Where’d you go?
Man
#1: Oregon. Didn’t want to come back. I’d f*cking live there if I could.
Man
#2: But all Oregon’s got is logger’s sons trying to carve things up.
(Laughter)
Man
#1: Yeah, I guess that’s true, but nothing’s worse than stock brokers.
Man
#3: They’re crazy. They talk about gangbangers, but they’re worse.
Man
#2: Sure are. Nasty, arrogant bullsh*tters, every last one.
Man
#1: So listen, listen. I get home and everything’s cool until Rhonda tells me
to look through my drawer. I open it, and right there on top of my undies is
this EPT sh*t.
Man
#3: Your girl’s?
Man
#1: That’s what I thought! *slaps hands with him* but instead of calling anyone
else, I call her. I’m like, “You got anything to tell me?”
Man
#2: What’d she say?”
Man
#1: She was like, “Hey, you sound upset. What’s wrong?” So I told her what I
found, and she swore on her mom’s life it wasn’t her.
Man
#3: Had to be? It wasn’t yours! *laughter*
Man
#1: No, that’s the thing. Things get into our apartment. Like there was this
time, I went through my underwear and there’s these little lacy thong things.
Man
#2: Your girl’s?
Man
#1: No, too small, but that’s what I told her cause she was accusing me, and I
said, “Look at these? I wouldn’t have sex with someone this small.”
Man
#2: That was your defense? “Honey, I couldn’t have screwed her cause she’s too
small?”
Man #1:
Sure did! I don’t bother with girls like that! *laughter*
Man
#3: The Too Small-Assed Defense.
Man
#1: Yeah, but it’s true. Oh, and it’s embarrassing, but my girl has this job …
makes so much money.
Man
#2: I wish I had that problem. I wish I could say, “My wife makes so much damn
money and it embarrasses me so much. *laughter*
Man
#1: It’s true! It’s true! Like this bill comes in and I’m broke and I have to
go to her and say …
Man
#2: Hey, what’s hers is yours. Just bring her the bill and say, “I don’t have
the cash so you’re gonna have to write the check.”
Man
#1: She does. Glad that EPT sh*t wasn’t hers.
Man
#3: Yeah, now that would be embarrassing.
Thong, tha- tha- thong! (Included for illustrative purposes only)
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